Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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