He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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