We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
