we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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