I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
