I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am naked and annoyed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
