You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
