If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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