I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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