Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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