apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
