I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
