...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
