I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
