dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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