I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
