pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
