Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
