So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
