singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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