I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
