i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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