Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
