my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
