i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
