dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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