woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
