You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
