When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
