i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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