The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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