I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
