Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
bring money and cleavage
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
