I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
