JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
