Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
