After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
