He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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