The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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