the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
