So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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