I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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