i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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