Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
