Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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