If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
