I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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