Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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