I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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