just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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