Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
