new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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