You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
pray to the hookup gods
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize