There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
