drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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