my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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