My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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