She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
