Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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