she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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