Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
