I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love you. Go after that dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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