she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
