I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
