the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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