God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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