Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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