so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
