mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
