how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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