what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
