I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
