hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I party with great urgency now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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