you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
