She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
