Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
