Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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