Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize