from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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