lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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