Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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